6 things people say when you have a baby

'Aww look at that tiny baby!' 

We've all said it or similar. Getting out and about with a newborn generally attracts a lot of attention and you find yourself conversing with strangers or strategically placing a protective hand over your baby's head as said-strangers feel it necessary to touch! With both girls born so small, I've found myself answering the same few questions over and over for weeks- ones I myself am guilty of asking, which has led me to conclude Brits are indeed creatures of habit!

What did you have?

'A baby!', the sarcastic, sleep deprived parent inside you answers; but you smile sweetly answering 'a little girl' nodding your head towards the tiny baby in the pram snuggled up in PINK! Yes, sometimes it is hard to tell with outfits in whites, greys and yellows plus swathes of blankets but bear with us; hearing this question over and over can cause the onset of gritted teeth and an eye twitch worthy of a cartoon villan.

Is she good for you?

I'm 99% sure I've asked similar of new mums and described both my girls as 'good' but when on the receiving end of this question, you're led to wonder what does this actually mean?! She sleeps (sometimes), cries, feeds, poops and wees; much the same as every other baby. Is that good?? Who knows so this question will often be met with a smile and nod- too tired to go into detail of why, if this question is a measure of how much she has cried, the answer is in fact, a no.

How are the nights?

Hmm, how are the nights... To be frank, pretty horrendous, do my eye bags not answer your question sufficiently? The night was spent changing, feeding, patting, shushing (shushing- a pointless exercise to make you feel better about waking the neighbours) then repeat. Correct answer: 'Not too bad, we're a little tired but getting there'. Note optimism is key!


And it isn't just questions, people feel that without you asking, you are in fact in need of advice. It's all well intentioned but don't worry, we've got this; if we need help, we'll ask.

Ooh, you'll make a rod for your own back!

Picking your baby up when she cries, feeding her when she's hungry, enjoying a cuddle before she goes back in her Moses basket. All ways we are compromising our child's up bringing. After all, babies are born evil geniuses right, crying for no reason and plotting ways to make us pick them up?

Make sure you sleep when the baby sleeps

I can just picture the scene now, a busy supermarket full of sleeping parents dropping like stones as their babies close their eyes. Even taken non-literally, this is pretty hard to follow! When the housework is done, the shopping put away, a few moments silence with a HOT drink (what is one of these again?) is even better then a 5 minute nap.

It's not a smile, she's got a bit of wind

Your baby has cried all day, she's in her third change of clothes from sick, dribble and exploding nappies and just wants to be held so nothing has been done- including that shower you keep trying to have. You finally set her down and from her state of half unconsciousness, she opens her mouth into a gummy grin. Yes, yes  it is highly likely this is wind. But please, its been a hard day, I've just noticed dried, crispy baby puke in my hair and my top is inside out- it is a bloody smile!!