Five and fussy: The poem

Last week, Isabella came home and announced "I ate some cress!" Say what?! To ensure we were talking about the same thing, I asked her what cress was. "It's got leaves, it's green". OK, sounds like she did eat cress! Up until this point, anything remotely green coloured has not passed Isabella's lips (unless it contains gelatin and colouring has been added to make it that way).

When it's just the two of you, wondering what to eat for tea (dinner, whatever you call it) can be a challenge but easily resolved by ordering a takeaway. 2011BK (before kids), Lee and I lived in a flat in the centre of town and ordered in, A LOT. When you have children, it isn't so straightforward. Can you imagine the teacher pulling you to one side to ask if Papa John is a relative?! (other pizza brands are available) We try our best, especially during the week to cook varied meals and try to encourage Isabella to try things other than ham sandwiches with tomato sauce. It's not easy and more often than not, we're faced with sheer dogged determination not to give into the pleas to give it a try. I've put together a little piece about the daily challenge of having a fussy child; nothing more fulfilling than scraping a untouched plate into the bin!

It begins with determination 

We'll all eat together today 

Just one meal I will cook

3 different ones? No way! 

We'll all sit around the table 

Get excited about our dinner 

This one is sooo yummy

You'll love it, it's a winner 

The plate goes down in front of you

All our breath we hold 

It's clear to see by your wrinkled nose

You're most definitely not sold

We exchange a quick glance

Determined we must be

"Try this little bit here

You'll love, you will see!" 

We pick up our forks, resilient 

Being sure to comment "oh yes

This is so delicious 

Definitely Mummy's biggest success"

The meal goes untouched

"I don't like it" you say

"Can I have something else

I'll try this one another day"

Compromise is the next stage

Bargain with you, we try

"Just 2 mouthfuls please"

Speaking gently, we don't want you to cry

Alas, your bottom lip wobbles

Your eyes begin to fill with tears 

Suddenly, terrible parents we feel 

We hope this doesn't go on for years 

I let out an audible sigh 

Another meal goes in the bin 

Right now this feels hard 

Strength we must find from within! 

Making something nutritious

But a meal you will eat

Is something a lot of parents battle

A mutual agreement we try to meet 

We tell you "it's ok"

And give you a big cuddle 

Something else we'll make you

Let's not get in a muddle 

We've been here before 

It's not worth getting stressed

It's all part of parenting

Yet another test 

We won't force her to eat

In her own time, we know she'll try

Broccoli, sprouts, green beans

I used to hate them all, I can't lie

From being understanding

Progress we have seen

A little empathy and encouragement goes a long way

Remember, children we have all been 

'It's a sick stain' and 11 other reasons you know you're on maternity leave

Looking back 5 years, I don't recall much of my maternity leave with Isabella. What I do know is that this time around I have thrown myself head first into the groups and clubs and tried to make the absolute most of what will be my last maternity leave- yes, no more babies thank you very much. Been there, done that, got the kids and the scar! The best thing about being off work is probably just that. The idea that for a few months to a year, your time is devoted to your baby as you stumble around trying to figure parenthood out. I'm still trying to figure it out... There's been more FMLs than I can count and oh my days sometimes it feels impossible but I'm coming to the end of this time and it makes me sad that it has to end! These are my moments of realisation that this is not some holiday, no, this is maternity leave!

1. You discuss the consistency of poo

I'm absolutely not one for toilet talk and conversations about number twos make me cringe- especially when it's male office banter! However, when you have a baby, the matter of THEIR poo is a whole different kettle of fish. The midwife will ask you if your baby has done a poo within a few hours of birth and after that, you'll find it to be a hot topic and everyone asks about your baby's poo. Mushy, firm, poonami, pooplosion, straining, up-the-back-job, all familiar!

2. You talk about how time flies aaalll the time

I get sick of myself talking about time but it really feels like it's in short supply! That is, except for 3am when the twenty minutes it takes to get the baby back to sleep is the longest twenty minutes ever!! Take all the photos and max out your SD card with home films! This year is definitely feeling like my quickest yet and it makes me feel like my Granny talking about how time flies- but she's so right.

3. You frequently get to the end of the day and find dried sick on your clothes

Still smiling!

Over the back of the shoulder, down the leg and even on the shoe! Baby sick seems to get everywhere and sometimes, especially if you're out of the house, you just have to try and rub it in and hope you can get away with it! The white, milk sick stains weren't so bad to deal with but now we're weaning, sick is often tinged with orange and leaves an attractive sunset hue- a beautiful contrast on white!

4. Your friend has seen your nipple

Yep. She did. And told me, narrowly saving me from the man sat over the way who may have fallen off his chair. Breastfeeding is great fun, especially when babies get bigger and pull off halfway through let down to have a nose around. Cue a milk soaking all around and potential shouts of #freethenipple! Lets be honest though, when you give birth, a lot of people see a lot of things you didn't ever consider showing to a room full of men and women. It's like that bad dream when you're naked on stage. When you drop your dignity at the maternity entrance to give birth, don't pick it up on the way out. Go back for it in a few years.

5. 10pm is a late night

Beyond 10pm and I start to wonder what the hell I've been doing for the last two hours when I could have been sleeping. The answer is usually Netflix (back to back Suits episodes), eating and nothing else! I've been a reluctant early night, early morning girl for a while now, having kids tends to do that to you. Don't fight it, it's cool.

6. You wonder how your parents coped with raising you when CBeebies didn't exist

The TV is not on all the time but when you need to make dinner or get ready to go out, children's TV is a life saver! It's completely head frying half the time and I do not understand how Postman Pat is still in a job when he pools ALL the Royal Mail's resources (a van, a motorbike and a helicopter) on one delivery and still isn't able to get that right. However, as with everything, it has its time and place and it definitely reduces stress levels.

7. You have to ask your partner/husband for pocket money

Quality time with your children is amazing but I'm so poor. Those who worked prior to giving birth will likely have taken a huge pay cut in order to stay at home with their baby for a few months and quite often, returning to work is more expensive than not working at all with sky high childcare costs. It seems so completely backwards. Criticised for not working, criticised for abandoning your children to further your career. Its a lose lose!

8. You consider contacting McVities to be an official biscuit tester

On a less serious note, I hope no one has been secretly totting up how many biscuits I've got through on maternity leave. I don't want to know!

9. You have a whole new group of friends you never would have met if you hadn't been pregnant with at the same time

Up there with some of the best parts of maternity are the new baby mummy friends. You're never going to get on with everyone but I'm so grateful for the new friends I've made through having Florence and other babies that I hope she'll grow up with.

10. Strangers talk to you...a lot

Everyone loves a baby. Especially older people. In lifts. You can't get in a lift with someone without them having a peek in the pram and asking how old or what their name is. No matter what your answer and even if your child's name is Voldemort, the response is preset to 'aww how lovely'. Sometimes they like to touch their faces. Please don't touch.

The Sleep Thief

11. You understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture

Lack of sleep is horrible. It isn't just waking up in the night a couple of times and going back to sleep. It's waking up, feeding, perhaps changing a nappy; basically caring for another human being in between naps of varying length. Sleep deprivation turns me into the worst version of myself. Snappy, spotty, mood swinging crazy women with no short term memory. 4 hours sleep in a row is the most amazing thing ever.

12. You wonder how every other parent has their s**t together

Why is it that when you are struggling, it looks like every other mother has it all together? Perfect hair, painted nails, clean clothes, clean children. After particularly bad nights, I'll avoid any glances at my reflection at all costs when out shopping. The lighting is oh so flattering on eye bags. The thing about staring jealously after the woman with her darling cherubs is that she probably doesn't have it together. Maybe she does right now and we can't all the time. We're all mothers doing the best job we can, wiping the snot, changing the nappies and raising the beasties. So be kind, always and make the absolute most of the bad and the good. They're only young once.

Yep, definitely one for the album!

Weaning a beasty- The veggie way

Oh my goodness, I can't quite believe 6 months have past. Time speeds up a hell of a lot after 1 child but after 2, I'm afraid if I blink for too long I may miss something.

It still amazes me that for the first 6 months(or thereabouts) of a baby's life, they thrive on nothing but milk. Florence has grown from a tiny, skinny little thing into a real chunk with rolls and an extra chin! We're now entering a new and exciting phase- weaning! As with most things, ways to wean evolve and certain ways are more popular than others.

When I had Isabella, puree was the way most went. There were rumours of this baby led business but it was mostly perceived as all a bit 'hippy-ish'. The creation of pouches had also come into being, a suitable balance of organic goodness, with the ease of a jar but without the added sugar and other ingredients you can't pronounce. 'Natural' was becoming the way to go, and rightly so!

Today, baby led weaning is far from a swear word and is actively encouraged by health visitors. The benefits of weaning this way include:

- Eating what you eat- exploring new tastes

- Feeling new textures- a sensory experience

- Joining in with family meals

In a lot of cases, baby led weaning results in less fussy eaters- so they say!

Approaching 6 months, we started to consider how we would wean Florence. We chose to wait to wean following national guidelines but other babies may be weaned earlier for various reasons including reflux and dietary issues. We decided that we will be weaning with both purees and finger food.

Vegetable Led Weaning

After doing some research, I came across Babease, a relatively new baby food company using premium organic produce following their pledge to create 'food for babies, not baby food'.

Developed by a chef and nutritionist, Babease create handy food pouches and use a variety of vegetable combinations that introduce a whole range of flavours to a brand new palate. From 7 months, a variety of mild herbs and spices are added to expand a baby's taste experience further.

"Studies have shown that babies who eat a wide variety of vegetables during complementary feeding go on to eat more vegetables in later childhood (up to 7 years) than those that don’t" Babease

Whilst I have begun to make a number of purees myself (carrot, sweet potato and spinach, parsnip and broccoli) as well as offering softened fingers of veg, food pouches are incredibly convenient when on the go or when a quick meal is needed. Babease were kind enough to send us a few different ones to try. Our favourite so far is butternut squash, carrot and broccoli. Unlike other pouches we've previously tried that have had a watery consistency, Babease puree (for 6 months) is smooth but firm, providing a food tasting experience as opposed to a drink! Having tasted these myself also, the combinations are delicious and the addition of grains, pulses and seeds provides a satisfying, digestible meal for babies.

What we're using

Although not much is needed for the baby led weaning part, except perhaps an open mind and learning to recognise the difference between gagging and choking, I have stocked up on a few bits to help with the process.

- A highchair
Luckily, we kept our highchair that Isabella previously used so have not needed to purchase a new one. We have the Chicco Happy Snack Highchair which I love for its reclining seat and chuck in the washing machine, removable padded seat and back.

Mmm avocado

- Bowls and Spoons
Supermarkets stock a range of spoons and fancy bowls with sections and compartments. I actually found some great Nuby storage pots, spoons and a travel bowl and spoon set in a local pound shop which saved me quite a bit of money. The benefit of a brand such as Nuby or Tommee Tippee is the reassurance of BPA free products that are steriliser safe.

- Blender
Although specialist sets can be purchased with a built in steamer (fancy!), we have a Breville Active Blender from the protein shake days that does exactly what we need.

- Ice cube tray
Perfect for freezing and subsequently storing purees in handy portions, we have this one. The bottom is silicone to make it easier to push out the cubes into freezer bags.

- Bibs
Dribble bibs can be great initially but long term, something more heavy duty is required. We'll be using long sleeved bibs such as these to keep clothes stain free as well as a food catcher one to minimise mess!

- Floor mat
A floor mat is definitely useful for catching the inevitable food dropping from little hands. These aren't essential and can be expensive. A pack of disposable toddler bed mats are just as good.

The next step

We've just begun weaning with Florence and we're excited about following vegetable led weaning in the hope it will benefit her in the future. We'll also be introducing meat, starting with fish such as salmon in the hope she won't be as fussy as her big sister. Watch this space!

* Babease food pouches are available to purchase from a number of stores. We were provided a number of pouches to try, free of charge in exchange for an honest review. All views are my own. 

Through the sunroof- An honest account of an emergency c-section

Last Wednesday I was lucky enough to attend a TalkAbout session at my local midwife led unit. A TalkAbout is an opportunity to go through your hospital casenotes from your birth and discuss what happened to you; particularly useful for filling in the gaps or if it was in anyway traumatic.

I arrived and was greeted by Nikki, a TalkAbout midwife who had read through my file and had everything ready for us to go through.

Since having Florence, I've thought about my birth experience a lot, probably at least once a day. I'd written down a number of questions in preparation, hoping that this session would bring me some sense of closure.

Before the birth

7 month bump

At around 18 weeks, at our second scan it was discovered I had a low lying placenta. A low lying placenta is where the placenta is positioned in the lower part of the womb and can be covering the cervix, preventing a natural delivery. I was reassured this was relatively common at this stage and "11 out of 12 will move in time for you to give birth". At this point, I felt completely reassured and confident that I could still have the birth I so hoped for.

Skip to 32 weeks after a number of other scans and it was confirmed my placenta hadn't yet moved and my notes now showed I did indeed have placenta praevia. Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done to resolve this. I was booked in for fortnightly scans and it was a case of waiting and watching this space to see if it would move in time for a natural birth.

At 35+1 weeks, I woke up in the night to feel what I thought my water breaking but to discover there was blood everywhere. As we had been instructed, Lee called an ambulance; if I were to go into labour, a rupture of the placenta could cut off supply to the baby. It was so worrying but thankfully after a couple of nights in hospital, plenty of tests and steroids to develop baby's lungs in case it happened again, I was discharged to come home and rest.

During my time in hospital it was decided I should be booked in for a planned c-section as I was getting close to term and things hadn't changed at my last scan. The date was set for 15th November and I had a couple of weeks to get my head around it and finally realise I was the 1 of the 11 whose placenta wouldn't move!

Leading up to the date, I felt like a ticking time bomb, constantly worrying about having another bleed...and on 10th November, that I did.

The birth

After waking up again in the night to once again find I'd had a bleed, I called ahead to the Maternity Unit who advised I should come in via ambulance should labour start to happen- another ambulance, ooh what were the neighbours thinking?! This time, I started to feel tightenings but they weren't painful and I had a lovely chat with the paramedic on the way to the hospital ready to go through the same process as last time.

And so begin my notes from the TalkAbout session (in italic)

2.20am arrival and attached to the monitor
3.55am saw Registrar and category 2 emergency c-section confirmed. Consultant informed. 2 x units of blood ordered

After being hooked up to the monitor for about an hour and a half, it was pretty clear that I had started to get contractions and after an internal examination it was confirmed I was 1cm dilated. The Registrar advised he wanted to go ahead with a c-section. I asked him when? His response- now. I will literally never forget that word. I should probably add at this point, I was on my own. Lee had stayed at home with Isabella and he and my parents were waiting to hear what the situation was- as we all thought I'd just come home! I immediately rang Lee and so the logistical nightmare began for a journey that would take about an hour- the exact amount of time I had until I would be going into theatre.

4.25am into theatre- increased contractions
4.46am spinal and catheter

After the monitor had started to pick up an increase in contractions, the registrar was keen that we proceed to theatre to at least get prepped whilst we waited for Lee to arrive. I rang him in a panic worrying that I was going to end up having this baby on my own. He was on his way but said if the worst came to the worst and they needed to get the baby out before he arrived, just to do it. It must have killed him to say that but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I just needed to focus on this baby arriving.

4.55am Lee arrived

When Lee walked into theatre, I actually thought it was a doctor. Haha, he'll love that I put that. He was in scrubs and looked like an extra from Holby City had just joined the team. He took his seat next to my head (and held the bowl whilst I threw up) and the drapes were raised so I couldn't see below my midriff.

5.09am knife to uterus
5.10am baby born
5.11am clamped and cut
5.12am placenta out
5.13am baby wrapped

After a few moments of silence, some cringeworthy cutting sounds, the registrar and assisting surgeon began tugging. It has to be said it's one of the strangest feelings. I could feel pressure and myself moving around on the table, its fair to say pretty uncomfortable but no pain (at this point). After what seemed like forever, there was a gargled cry and our baby was lifted out. I burst into tears and was completely overwhelmed. Lee turned to me and asked if I wanted to know what we'd had. "Yes!! Of course I want to know" I told him and he confirmed what he told me he'd known from the start, we were blessed with another little girl! At 5lb 12oz she was so much tinier than I expected but perfectly healthy. As soon as she was swaddled in Lee's arms next to me, she proceeded to fall straight to sleep!

5.16am internal bleeding, requested the presence of Mr Reid, consultant. 2 x blood units requested. 2 x blood units ordered

After the initial delight at Florence's birth, I was aware of a hell of a lot of suction going on. There was some discussion and I was informed that the consultant would be coming in to assist. It was now that I started to feel as though I was getting feeling back. I told the anaesthetist and further drugs were administered through my cannula. For nearly 20 minutes, the registrar and surgeon were stood, packing my uterus trying to stop the bleeding, waiting for the consultant to arrive. No one was saying much and I was starting to get worried. Again I started to feel pain, more alphentanol was administered and a further cannula was put in my other arm.

5.35am consultant arrived
5.45am consultant scrubbed and into theatre
6am first blood transfusion
6.30am second blood transfusion

Upon arrival, the consultant and registrar checked my total blood loss and it was confirmed as 2 litres and there were multiple bleeding points from the endocervix. The consultant managed to get the bleeding under control with multiple, small stitches and a pressure ballon was inserted as compression to help stop any further bleeding before stitching up. A cut was made above the incision and a drain inserted to clear any further bleed, should it occur.

Throughout this process, I continued to get feeling back again and again and the drugs chart in my notes shows how two different drugs were given regularly throughout my time in theatre so much so that for the last half an hour I fell asleep. As they had started to consider general anaesthetic to finish off, this was probably for the best! After 2 hours in surgery, I woke up in recovery with 2 cannulas, a drip, a drain, a catheter and a tube from the balloon preventing further bleeding. It's fair to say, it was a shock.

7.05am into recovery
7.10am skin to skin with baby
8.15am oramorph administered orally

As requested, as soon as I was able, our baby girl, whom I'm sure you know, we named Florence was placed on my chest and I finally got my long awaited skin to skin. To finally hold her was the most amazing feeling and momentarily I forgot all the pain and cried with happiness, not fear.

After meeting recovery criteria, I was moved back onto the labour ward, a requirement under these circumstances where I would spend the first night. Unable to move from the bed, I relied on Lee, family and midwives to help me with everything from passing Florence to me when she needed to feed to getting me food and my toothbrush. As someone who would much rather do things myself, relying on others was incredibly frustrating. Equally, I'm incredibly grateful for that time and the midwives who helped me through that first night, successfully establishing breastfeeding.

From then on, my recovery continued in the right direction and after an awful second night on a shared ward in postnatal, I came home for a night to my midwife led unit. I had my own room with ensuite with the most amazing midwife care.

After the birth

My whole birth experience has left me with incredibly mixed emotions. On one hand, I feel I've had to grieve for the calm, natural birth I wished for; on the other, I am completely humbled and thankful for the amazing health service we have. I am so glad I had the chance to go through my birth notes and fill in the gaps. Nikki was so patient, explaining everything and had even come in on her day off to do my appointment. It has definitely helped me get the closure I needed.

If you think a TalkAbout appointment could help you, call 01952 565990.

Sleep deprivation and how to cope

So nearly 6 months in (8 days to go!) and we are STILL struggling with sleep. We're pretty lucky that Florence gives us our evening time but come 11pm, we're up every 2 hours nearly every night. With Isabella to get up for the school run, different baby groups and jobs to do, it's fair to say I've felt on the edge of insanity a few times (to which Lee had been on the receiving end- sorry!) There's a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture! These are my top tips for surviving those sleepless nights.

An early night

Many times in the early days, as soon as Isabella was in bed, so was I. Trying to pack in some kip earlier on in the night was key. With Lee away working this was much easier; even if I have no idea what's happening in the soaps these days. Going to bed at 7pm hasn't been sustainable with housework to do but I try to be in bed for around 9-10pm- rock and roll!

Keep drinking

In the early days of breastfeeding, I was in such a good routine of drinking plenty of water. Now, not so much! Keeping yourself hydrated is a great way to try and keep fatigue at bay for as long as possible. I'm guilty of turning to coffee first but I definitely notice a difference if I make the effort to drink water.

Eat

On more than one occasion, I've got into bed and then remembered I didn't have tea. Isabella is of course fed and watered but the sudden stomach growling is a reminder that I should have had an evening meal. When sleep deprived, it's natural to crave sugar for an instant energy hit. I literally can't count how many chocolate bars I've eaten on maternity leave so far. No no, not single bars, family sharer bars!! Yes, sugar takes the edge off, but a decent meal keeps you going for longer.

3 days old

Always ask

I hate asking for help. I'll always try and do things myself before turning to others. Not a boast, in fact often a curse. This time around, I had no choice. Unfortunately time doesn't stand still once you've had a baby, partners need to go back to work, meals need to be cooked and the school run done. I didn't ask for help, I was told I was getting it. Family members were life savers when I was banned from pushing the pram or exerting myself, which could have compromised my recovery. A pair of hands to make you that cuppa or shove a pizza in the oven so you can grab a nap is priceless.

Breathe

My biggest feeling of guilt came from first bringing our new baby home. Life changed instantly for Isabella. Suddenly she had to share the Mummy and Daddy she'd had to herself for 4 and a half years. With a baby constantly attached to me and barely a wink of sleep, the constant questions and requests sometimes were too much and more than once I cried with frustration at feeling so thinly spread. Taking a deep breath and just a moment to clear your mind does wonders. Isabella is now an amazing sister but those early days were definitely the most difficult and emotional all round.

Patience

Lower your expectations. Your next door neighbour's, friend's, sister's baby might have slept through since day nought but not every baby will. Don't compare and you'll find yourself relax and follow your baby's cues much easier. I was guilty of comparing with Isabella and ended up feeling so much pressure to try and get her to sleep through. This time, I've definitely relaxed more. That's not to say it's easy hearing about others sleeping through but I do know this isn't forever.

Nap

3 months old

I put this one last for a reason. It really isn't always possible. I always say I should do it more but I'd end up stressed out at a messy house, go to bed late and ultimately reverse any positive effect. At least once a week, I keep a day free to stay at home and if we don't nap, at least rest.

So the battle continues. It's good to vent every now and then, especially with other mummy friends who know exactly how you feel and have also put the cereal in the fridge. Ultimately we'll plough on, keep doing what we're doing and when Florence does sleep through (hopefully before she's 21), well I shall be very happy!