Looking back 5 years, I don't recall much of my maternity leave with Isabella. What I do know is that this time around I have thrown myself head first into the groups and clubs and tried to make the absolute most of what will be my last maternity leave- yes, no more babies thank you very much. Been there, done that, got the kids and the scar! The best thing about being off work is probably just that. The idea that for a few months to a year, your time is devoted to your baby as you stumble around trying to figure parenthood out. I'm still trying to figure it out... There's been more FMLs than I can count and oh my days sometimes it feels impossible but I'm coming to the end of this time and it makes me sad that it has to end! These are my moments of realisation that this is not some holiday, no, this is maternity leave!
1. You discuss the consistency of poo
I'm absolutely not one for toilet talk and conversations about number twos make me cringe- especially when it's male office banter! However, when you have a baby, the matter of THEIR poo is a whole different kettle of fish. The midwife will ask you if your baby has done a poo within a few hours of birth and after that, you'll find it to be a hot topic and everyone asks about your baby's poo. Mushy, firm, poonami, pooplosion, straining, up-the-back-job, all familiar!
2. You talk about how time flies aaalll the time
I get sick of myself talking about time but it really feels like it's in short supply! That is, except for 3am when the twenty minutes it takes to get the baby back to sleep is the longest twenty minutes ever!! Take all the photos and max out your SD card with home films! This year is definitely feeling like my quickest yet and it makes me feel like my Granny talking about how time flies- but she's so right.
3. You frequently get to the end of the day and find dried sick on your clothes
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| Still smiling! |
Over the back of the shoulder, down the leg and even on the shoe! Baby sick seems to get everywhere and sometimes, especially if you're out of the house, you just have to try and rub it in and hope you can get away with it! The white, milk sick stains weren't so bad to deal with but now we're weaning, sick is often tinged with orange and leaves an attractive sunset hue- a beautiful contrast on white!
4. Your friend has seen your nipple
Yep. She did. And told me, narrowly saving me from the man sat over the way who may have fallen off his chair. Breastfeeding is great fun, especially when babies get bigger and pull off halfway through let down to have a nose around. Cue a milk soaking all around and potential shouts of #freethenipple! Lets be honest though, when you give birth, a lot of people see a lot of things you didn't ever consider showing to a room full of men and women. It's like that bad dream when you're naked on stage. When you drop your dignity at the maternity entrance to give birth, don't pick it up on the way out. Go back for it in a few years.
5. 10pm is a late night
Beyond 10pm and I start to wonder what the hell I've been doing for the last two hours when I could have been sleeping. The answer is usually Netflix (back to back Suits episodes), eating and nothing else! I've been a reluctant early night, early morning girl for a while now, having kids tends to do that to you. Don't fight it, it's cool.
6. You wonder how your parents coped with raising you when CBeebies didn't exist
The TV is not on all the time but when you need to make dinner or get ready to go out, children's TV is a life saver! It's completely head frying half the time and I do not understand how Postman Pat is still in a job when he pools ALL the Royal Mail's resources (a van, a motorbike and a helicopter) on one delivery and still isn't able to get that right. However, as with everything, it has its time and place and it definitely reduces stress levels.
7. You have to ask your partner/husband for pocket money
Quality time with your children is amazing but I'm so poor. Those who worked prior to giving birth will likely have taken a huge pay cut in order to stay at home with their baby for a few months and quite often, returning to work is more expensive than not working at all with sky high childcare costs. It seems so completely backwards. Criticised for not working, criticised for abandoning your children to further your career. Its a lose lose!
8. You consider contacting McVities to be an official biscuit tester
On a less serious note, I hope no one has been secretly totting up how many biscuits I've got through on maternity leave. I don't want to know!
9. You have a whole new group of friends you never would have met if you hadn't been pregnant with at the same time
Up there with some of the best parts of maternity are the new baby mummy friends. You're never going to get on with everyone but I'm so grateful for the new friends I've made through having Florence and other babies that I hope she'll grow up with.
10. Strangers talk to you...a lot
Everyone loves a baby. Especially older people. In lifts. You can't get in a lift with someone without them having a peek in the pram and asking how old or what their name is. No matter what your answer and even if your child's name is Voldemort, the response is preset to 'aww how lovely'. Sometimes they like to touch their faces. Please don't touch.
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| The Sleep Thief |
11. You understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture
Lack of sleep is horrible. It isn't just waking up in the night a couple of times and going back to sleep. It's waking up, feeding, perhaps changing a nappy; basically caring for another human being in between naps of varying length. Sleep deprivation turns me into the worst version of myself. Snappy, spotty, mood swinging crazy women with no short term memory. 4 hours sleep in a row is the most amazing thing ever.
12. You wonder how every other parent has their s**t together
Why is it that when you are struggling, it looks like every other mother has it all together? Perfect hair, painted nails, clean clothes, clean children. After particularly bad nights, I'll avoid any glances at my reflection at all costs when out shopping. The lighting is oh so flattering on eye bags. The thing about staring jealously after the woman with her darling cherubs is that she probably doesn't have it together. Maybe she does right now and we can't all the time. We're all mothers doing the best job we can, wiping the snot, changing the nappies and raising the beasties. So be kind, always and make the absolute most of the bad and the good. They're only young once.
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| Yep, definitely one for the album! |
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